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I find it very presumptuous that he assumes his “reasons” or trauma are worse than mine. I am also angry that he won’t be patient and give the relationship a chance to unfold.I feel like he is already emotionally committed, and that he doesn’t want to “screw it up.” It’s putting a lot of pressure on me.Like maybe it’s not out of the realm of possibility anymore, at least not when I think about it in an abstract way.But when it comes to a practical way – joining a dating site, talking to guys at social events, whatever – I can’t seem to break that bubble of “Why even bother? ” Even just writing this part of the letter made me feel embarrassed and silly.It’s frustrating and embarrassing for me that I feel so lost as to how to bring this up.I know there’s no one-size-fits-all approach, but do you have any good scripts for having this kind of conversation?His message implied that he was going to ask me out “until he realized who I was,” which made me immediately uncomfortable.
Or would it be better to just block him and pretend it never happened?I would like to be able to leave those feelings at the door when I bring it up, but I’m so lost for the right words to use that I just end up getting even more anxious, and then I don’t bring it up at all because I want to be coming from a place of curiosity and confidence, not from a place of fear. He’s kind and responsible and we laugh together a lot and we are hella attracted to each other.I’ve felt a whole bunch of YES about him since we first met, and know that I know him a little better I feel totally sure that I want a committed relationship with him.It has been ten years since my last relationship (I’m in my early30s) and I haven’t been on so much as a date since then.While I was in my hermit state I vacillated between “I don’t really want a partner anyway” (a big fat lie) and “You’re not worth a relationship.” Basically the idea of being involved with someone in a romantic way seemed to be something that just wasn’t in the cards for me, ever. Now, though, that I’ve started being around people socially, it’s starting to seem…not so insane.
In hindsight, I feel like there are other things I could have said or done to end the conversation sooner, but that’s only now that I know I wasn’t able to end it without confrontation.